Saturday, June 06, 2009

Tsunami Wave Trains.


I have been dreaming about tidal waves and bridges crashing down, falling to bits into the ocean. Last night I dreamed that I was pleasantly sitting and reading a book, leaning against a tree when I realized that there were ants all over my head and I shook it out and tried to get them all out. There were trees and buses strewn around the sky by tidal waves; there was running and hiding and fighting some weird monsters. 

I don't know what any of it means, really. Perhaps a paranoia of the unknown, of not being good enough, of not changing enough. But, I don't feel scared, really. Only sometimes. And mostly I feel scared for the people I am leaving behind. Also nervous that I will not change enough, not change the way that I would like to. I have a very clear vision of the ways in which I wish to change and I feel silly writing it all out because I have before and then I didn't do it. But, I suppose in that situation there were extenuating circumstances. 

I think that working to grow fruits and vegetables and having the chance to begin anew, a new city, a new house, new people to meet and know. I would like to be less judgmental or at least less forward about my opinions. I will read far far more and exercise on my trampoline. I will dig in the dirt and pull out radishes and I will reach into the trees and pluck out figs. I will miss people. 

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